Creating The Shiina Ringo Girlfriend Experience, Part Une.

Until that fated day, when I shall meet her, when my lips shall meet hers, when my hands shall caress her body, i must have a substitute. I also realise you will want one, what with her being the most incredible being to traverse this desolate land we call Earth.

Therefore, I have constructed a very exclusive guide for you, how to achieve "THE SHIINA RINGO GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE!"

What will you require

1 - You must be a REAL Ringo fan.
2 - A printer, complete with ink.
3 - Blank Paper
4 - A Holepunch
5 - A bit of string
6 - Blu Tack
7 - When it's complete, you will need to use your imagination.

You will also require these four beautiful photographs (Click for full-size)

PHOTO#1

PHOTO#2
PHOTO#3

PHOTO#4

STEP 1

First, print off all four photographs, full page of course. Now take Photos 1-3, Holepunch them in the top left hand corner, pop a bit of string through that hole and hoop it round. This should allow you to flip between the photographs!

STEP 2Have a look at this diagram, (X) represents where photographs 1-3 should be, find a way to hang them up so they are at your head level. Now when you wake up in the morning, IT'S LIKE SHE IS REALLY THERE IN YOUR BED WITH YOU! Let me tell you from experience, this is incredibly exciting. Some days, I just lie in bed all day staring at her beautiful face, whilst she stares back at my ugly one. Ah, what a wonderful life.

STEP 3

Have two print-outs of Photo 4, apply Blu Tack to the back of them. Stick them both up in your kitchen, in the positions shown in this diagram.

IT IS COMPLETE! Now when you are sitting in your kitchen, Ringo will be there on your wall, watching you like your eager wife. She doesn't look very happy in Photo 4, but it doesn't matter because she can never leave.